Sometimes every manager feels like, if they haven’t accidentally ended up in a circus or a zoo, they’re certainly in some sort of fairy-tale land—surrounded by all sorts of strange animal species and mythical creatures they must deal with daily.
In such cases, I’d like to offer a small classification of employees according to their "zoological" counterparts.
This type of employee is extremely hard to move from the position they’ve taken. You try to nudge them left or right - no luck. They do what they want, how they want, and no one can change that. Sure, there are results, but usually with major delays and at the cost of collateral damage to others.
However, if you do manage to move them, they can be very effective - especially when enraged. No one dares stand in their way. As long as the damage is manageable, the outcome can be dramatic and powerful. The Elephant-Person is conservative and resistant to new ideas. They only spring into action when their personal comfort is threatened.
A double-edged sword - on one hand, the Donkey can carry a heavy load without complaining, no matter how much you pile on. They get the job done, albeit slowly and clumsily, but results come eventually.
The real trouble comes in a crisis, when you need them most - they dig in their heels and are almost impossible to move. The classic carrot-and-stick approach might work, but sometimes even that fails against their legendary stubbornness.
The Snake slips out of every situation, always putting their own interests first. When threatened, they can strike - poisonously - regardless of friendships or shared goals.
They often pick on smaller employees, comment on everything regardless of competence, and steal ideas, later presenting them as their own.
This employee appears rarely, but with a stroke of genius. Most of the time, they’re quiet and unnoticed. Suddenly, they explode like a supernova - and then disappear again for a long time.
Unfortunately, beyond the idea itself, you can’t expect a real implementation plan. And the ideas are often so unusual, they’re not usable. They can inspire others with their enthusiasm, but quickly "burn out." Without someone to carry the flame forward, their impact fades fast.
The difference lies in who the dog barks at - others, or its owner. The Good Dog dutifully completes tasks, asks for little, and shows endless loyalty. This makes the manager feel valued. While not an idea generator, their presence often helps keep morale high.
The Bad Dog, on the other hand, dislikes everyone but themselves. They protest every new idea and may be aggressive. In an office, they're mostly useless - unless kept around for variety.
The Giraffe is one of the most valuable species in the office menagerie – it can see farther than the rest, spotting risks and opportunities long before others do. With a naturally high perspective, it connects details into a broader, logical view and helps the team avoid mistakes.
The challenge comes when it starts explaining what it sees – in long, patient, carefully structured introduction, full of examples and side stories. By the time the Giraffe finally gets to the point, the audience is usually "gone". Still, without it, the team would lose its sense of vision and context – the Giraffe is the voice of rationality, just a bit too "tall" for the meeting room.
The Chameleon is always on your side. They adapt to every situation, mostly to preserve their own peace. Incredibly useful in negotiations with difficult clients, they earn trust even from the most skeptical.
Unfortunately, once the situation is under control, their energy drops off. That’s why they need to be paired with someone who will actually follow through.
The Cuckoo is a true office socialite who always knows how to win others over. Their main activity is communication - roaming from desk to desk, keeping friendly relations with all. At first glance, they seem like a positive influence. But behind the friendliness often lies a hidden agenda - offloading tasks onto others or securing backing for their own projects. They’re skilled manipulators who use personal connections to gain advantages or dodge responsibility.
While seemingly harmless, the Cuckoo can cause serious disruption - distracting colleagues and diverting energy away from key tasks. They often emerge unscathed while presenting team results as their own.
This is the employee you simply can’t fire - no matter how many times they’ve failed. Whether due to lobbying, connections, or other factors, they always find a way to resurrect themselves after each downfall.
The worst case scenario? When they realize their own “immortality” and start using it. They avoid drawing attention and never do anything that might endanger their position. To fire someone like this, you’d need either a spectacular failure or serious determination.
© 2015/2025 Nikola Vasilev